She's A Killing Machine
by SaturnineSunshine
Summary: Future CB. She knew what looks like those meant. Looks like those meant "I want to deflower you in the back of my transport after you strip for me." Looks like those meant "lets go upstairs during this blackout so you can cheat on your boyfriend with me."


**A/N**: Wrote this randomly after watching Heathers. Just because. Really not sure how to categorize it so just read.

**Summary**: She knew what looks like those meant. Looks like those meant "I want to deflower you in the back of my transport after you strip for me." Looks like those meant "lets go upstairs during this blackout so you can cheat on your boyfriend with me."

**Disclaimer**: Nothing is mine. Chuck's ability to be awesome is totally stolen from the show. Title from Deep Purple's "Highway Star." It's awesome. Listen to it.

* * *

Blair Waldorf could honestly say that she had never hated her so-called best friend as much as she did in that moment, as they stood in Serena's room. Not when the blonde slept with her best friend's then-boyfriend. Not when she ran away. Not when she lied. Not when she pushed her face into a cake-

"Please, Blair."

It was official. Blair hated Serena van der Woodsen more than she ever had in her entire life.

"You are putting me in a very difficult position right now," Blair said slowly, hoping it would take. But as usual, Serena displayed an exhibit of self absorption that even Blair wasn't capable of. Because if Serena had said that she wouldn't go on a double date with Blair's flavor of the week because Serena was in a complicated relationship that masqueraded as a a string of one night stands with the same person, Blair would listen.

"He said he wouldn't go out with me if his best friend couldn't come out with us," Serena protested. "And he doesn't have a date. You owe me."

"_I_ owe _you_?" Blair couldn't help but sneer. It was simply preposterous. "How do you figure that?"

"Because I went on a double date with you when you were depressed over someone else, only to be pushed into a fountain."

"I hate you," Blair said crossly.

"What's stopping you?" Serena asked. "Really."

"Really?" Blair asked in astonishment. "You're kidding, right?"

"You said that the two of you aren't even dating," Serena said. "And even so, it's not like you're cheating on him. It's just a date. Nice wine. Nice conversation..."

"Nice awkwardness while me and this so called date wait while you and your date have anonymous sex in the bathroom?" Blair quipped.

"It's not anonymous," Serena contradicted.

"That really isn't your winning argument," Blair said before begrudgingly continuing. "You know how he gets."

Serena's eyes lit up. It was the first time that Blair had really spoken of the strange interactions that she and her non-boyfriend were going through.

"You'll have to remind me," Serena smiled. "Anyway, it's not like he even has a right to act that way. You said the two of you are..."

There really wasn't a word for it.

"Let's not go through this charade, Serena," Blair said. "We both know that I haven't exactly been spending the night in my room for awhile."

"So are you dating or not?" Serena asked.

"I'd rather not press it at the moment," Blair answered stiffly.

"Why?"

"This is the exact reason why I don't want to do this," Blair said stubbornly. "He's been acting weird. More than his usual insanity. He's short tempered. He snaps at any guy that will even hold a door open for me."

"So he's acting possessive in the only way that a Bass can, and you're still with him?" Serena asked.

"What sort of question is that?" Blair snapped.

Serena nodded hesitantly. It wasn't really a secret that the two of them not being together was not even an option at this point. There had been too much between them and she was right. He was acting too strange to even broach the subject.

"It's not like you'll have to tell him," Serena continued.

"Of course I'm not telling him," Blair said. "He would chain me to the bed."

"I really don't want to hear about your bedroom acrobatics," Serena answered, trying to suppress a shudder.

"You know what I mean," Blair said darkly.

"Do you mean that you'll do it?" Serena asked. "I'll be your best friend."

"You already are my best friend," Blair sighed in defeat.

.

Serena took that as a yes."What are their names again?" Blair asked absentmindedly as they walked through the doors of the restaurant. Serena observed Blair cautiously, knowing exactly why the brunette was constantly looking over her shoulder. Looking for another dark haired confidante that seemed to have an explosive temper as of late.

"Yours is Kurt," Serena told her. "Mine is Ram."

"_Ram_?" Blair sneered. "I hadn't realized we had just walked into a 1988 teen movie."

Serena shrugged.

"Ram," Blair stated again. "That has a striking resemblance to _Dan_, wouldn't you say?"

"That necklace looks familiar," Serena said pointedly in a swift change of subject. Blair self-consciously put her hand to the diamonds lining her collarbone and the heart pendant at its base. "But a little formal for this restaurant, don't you think?"

"It's timeless," Blair defended.

"Isn't it a little 2007?" Serena asked coolly. Blair sent her a mirrored glare in return.

"I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about."

"So you just happen to be wearing a necklace that your not-boyfriend gave to you six years ago?" Serena asked.

"And how about the habits you haven't dropped since 2007?" Blair asked. "Slumming it in Brooklyn still seems appealing, does it?"

"Oh look," Serena said brightly. "They're here."

Blair sighed as Serena pulled her along to the generic looking men at the table. They were attractive enough, but there was really nothing outstanding about them. She had seen beautiful men before, and sooner or later, they just became more of the same. She's had many dates since she was twelve with beautiful men and they were all starting to blur together. Nothing really stood out to her.

"Ram, Kurt," Serena introduced, "this is my best friend, Blair."

Kurt extended his hand towards her and she shook it hesitantly, not liking the way he was looking at her. She knew what looks like those meant. Looks like those meant "I want to deflower you in the back of my transport after you strip for me." Looks like those meant "lets go upstairs during this blackout so you can cheat on your boyfriend with me."

Looks like those were dangerous, even if she was proud enough to know that she could recognize them in an instant by now.

"It's a pleasure to meet you," Kurt said. It almost sounded genuine, but all she knew was that he genuinely wanted to know what she was wearing underneath her dress. It wasn't a turn on.

Not from him, at least.

"Likewise," Blair said in a tone that conveyed her complete disinterest as she let him pull her chair out for her. She sat down, immediately immersing herself in the menu already on the table. She felt Serena's elbow jut unto her side.

"Stop hiding," Serena said under her breath as she smiled back at Ram.

"I'm not _hiding_," Blair said with distaste.

"He won't be coming to this restaurant anyway," Serena said. "I made sure of it. And no one who reads Gossip Girl will be here either. I promise."

"I will never forgive you for this," Blair vowed before smiling politely over her menu. She was suddenly getting a sickening wave of déjà vu to her preteen years where her time with Nathaniel was nothing but this.

Charming.

She had the urge to go bury herself in the bed that wasn't the penthouse that her mother leased, but actually had the vague scent of scotch and designer brands. It was home to her. It was safe though nothing could literally be more of the opposite. Even though it housed someone who was quick to accuse and was thick with tension, he looked at her. He really looked at her, not the way that this so called date was looking. But he knew her.

He always had.

Blair slapped her menu instantly down on the table. Ram looked at her curiously while Kurt looked just as jaded. Serena sent her a warning glance.

"I have to go powder my nose," Blair announced, grabbing her clutch from the table. "Serena?"

Serena could obviously hear the stress in her voice and after apologizing to the table, dutifully followed her best friend.

"What is it?" Serena asked after they dismissed the attendant so they could speak privately. You never knew who could be spying for Gossip Girl. Blair groaned as she leaned her back against the counter while Serena flicked on the tap to wash her hands.

"I am so bored."

Serena just shook her head at Blair.

"There are two, nice eligible men out there and you're bored," Serena said. "Nothing has even happened yet."

"Exactly," Blair answered. "I want to leave. And if you haven't noticed, I'm not exactly on the lookout for eligible men."

"Why?" Serena asked. "You're single, aren't you?"

"I wish it was that simple," Blair muttered before grabbing her purse.

"So you're staying?" Serena asked, but finding that she wanted more of a tangible answer than that.

"You're not really giving me a choice," Blair answered before they walked back to the table. She noticed Kurt sit up straighter as she approached and couldn't help but roll her eyes at him. Like this wasn't torturous enough as it was.

"So have we decided what we wanted?" Serena asked, breaking the silence so Blair could continue to glower at her menu without giving Kurt more time than was necessary.

_"What the hell is this?"_

It was striking how he could convey so much anger when his voice never rose above a husky whisper. Blair let the menu fall from her fingertips as the heat of his presence scorched her back. She clenched her eyes shut, wishing this horrific nightmare hadn't come to fruition. But the feeling of his familiar hands laying on her top of her shoulders proved otherwise as she glared at Serena, who was looking anywhere but at the man towering over her best friend, his shadow throwing a dark trail over her place setting.

"I hate you," Blair said to Serena through clenched teeth knowing very well that it was the hands of Chuck Bass that were clenching her shoulders tightly.

"Excuse me," Kurt addressed in a tone that was anything but polite. "We were having dinner."

"Emphasis on the word _were_."

She could practically hear the sneer in his voice and she found herself unable to get to her feet as he pressed down on her shoulders. His voice had the words of antagonism, but she heard something else. She felt how his angry grasp on her had suddenly slackened to a light caress. She felt how he stroked her hair down her back.

Then she felt how he was marking his territory.

Typical Bass.

She saw the way that Kurt's eyes were studying her bare shoulders and the hands that were kneading them far too familiarly. And she was suddenly glad that her not-boyfriend was here so she wouldn't have to go through the motions of pretending to not be a bitch and rejecting him. Chuck was saving her the trouble and, in some ways, there really was a good reason of keeping him around. But his hands weren't leaving her and she knew that Kurt wouldn't be the only one to face his wrath.

Blair felt Chuck finger her diamond earrings with what seemed waning interest that happened to match the very expensive necklace she just happened to be wearing. His fingers dipped below her collarbone, straightening the pendants at her throat in a way that reminded her of exciting firsts and how things had changed only slightly between then and now.

Her skin started to burn and she knew him too well. She knew that when their bare skin connected, there was no telling what the two of them might do. And she knew that he was using that to his depraved advantage.

She liked it far too much for him to not be her boyfriend. She hated him for it. Then again, it wasn't just him in his bed at night. She was an instigator as much as the man touching her this publicly was. His hands descended down her shoulders and she tensed momentarily, bracing herself for the storm.

Instead, he just kissed her gently on her cheek and she felt a fluttering within her chest that she had been trying to stifle since she realized that they weren't technically together even though they shared the same bed. She had forgotten how his sweet side could emerge so unexpectedly-

Then she recognized his ulterior motive.

His lips didn't leave her face as he husked into her ear, "you really don't want to make me make a scene, do you, lover?"

Anger and indignation ran through her and she did something that she never thought possible. She attempted to throw him off but he was still caressing her flesh far too sensually for this public forum and she knew that the inhabitants of the table were staring at her.

Or rather, who was behind her.

"Chuck," Serena snapped as politely as she could in a public setting. "We're having dinner. Smarm elsewhere."

"You know, Waldorf," Chuck addressed Blair instead, ignoring the pointed glares of Serena as well the musclehead across from the brunette that should not have been looking at like that from foreign, interloping eyes. "As much as I appreciate the sentiment of you pledging your allegiance and loyalty to me through jewelry that I bestowed upon you before you stripped down for me, the second day in a row, I have to say that I am not pleased with this setting."

Her perfect shoulders tensed in his hands and he held her tighter, enjoying the feeling of her fitting so perfectly against him, even in her moments of restraint.

"Excuse me."Chuck dragged his eyes from the back of her neck to the impostor before her, attempting to achieve what he already had so effortlessly. "I don't know who you are, but we're on a date."

Blair closed her eyes against the harsh laughter that might as well just said _I'm Chuck Bass_.

"As difficult as I find that to believe," Chuck answered, "I do have to point out to you that you're not on a date. Right, Waldorf?"

His voice wasn't needy but already smug with victory.

Blair felt Serena's curious gaze to the side of her face, knowing that the entire table had their eyes on her, including the man, holding her intimately in a way that seemed inappropriate in this establishment. She knew that his words insinuated that he had some sort of claim over her. But that claim wasn't tangible and it wasn't official. The only claim he had over her was the one that he had since they were sixteen. The one that he could bring up at the most inopportune moment.

At this very moment, for instance.

She felt everyone waiting for her response, though she was unable to give one.

"Serena made it perfectly clear that Blair wasn't attached to anyone," Kurt finally spoke up.

"Well I never counted on Serena for her observational skills," Chuck said with his deadly smoothness.

"Not as unobservant as you, apparently."

Chuck's hands slid off her shoulders at her sudden interjection as the rest of them turned to look at her. Without even having to make eye contact, she could crush a man with a single sentence.

"I don't know if you haven't noticed this, Bass," Blair replied, looking over her shoulder as she rose to greet him. "But you and I aren't anything at all."

"As I recall," Chuck said without the faintest sign of recognition at the snub, "that wasn't exactly your take on events last night in my bed."

"And what's your take on them?" Blair countered. "Really. I'm curious."

"Careful, Waldorf," he chastised gently. "You're starting to make a scene."

"I'm making a scene?" Blair sneered, though aware that he was hitting her at one of her insecurities. "You're the one who storms in the middle of this date-"

"So it is a date?" Chuck asked sharply.

"-Like you have any claim-"

"Of course I have claim," Chuck scoffed. "Need I remind you-"

"You don't need to get into the gory details," Blair said in her haste not to let their society on into the intimate details of her private life as they cut each other off yet again.

"Look," Kurt said, rising as well. "She really doesn't seem to want you here-"

"Don't wrack your brain over it," Chuck snapped. "You might hurt yourself. You are not a part of this conversation."

"What's your problem?" Kurt asked, his voice finally betraying a hint of offense.

"My problem is that you're on a date with the woman that's going to be my wife."

The atmosphere crackled with tension as Blair saw her best friend's eyes widen perceptibly with the sound of a sharp intake of breath. Serena knew that this was _Chuck&Blair_, but this was still at Norma's. Although the desires of her brother wasn't news to her, for it seemed logical since his last failed proposal, no one could really incur more surprise than Chuck Bass.

"Can I talk to you?" Blair snapped. Without waiting for his obvious answer, she grabbed him by the hand and pulled him in the direction of the restrooms, away from prying eyes and potential Gossip Girl spies.

"I prefer to talk after," Chuck rasped smoothly in her ear as they reached the destination of the hallway behind the main room.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Blair seethed in a stage whisper so only he could hear.

"I could ask you the same question," Chuck struck back, his previous playful manner simply a facade.

"Having the time of my life," Blair replied slickly. "Thank you."

"How familiar," he said in his dangerous, low tone. "If memory serves, that seemed to be what you were doing exactly in my suite. On every surface imaginable."

"That's what you wanted, isn't it?" Blair asked, hating how the hurt was seeping far too transparently through her words. "Mind-blowing sex with no strings attached?"

"I'll agree with the mind-blowing," Chuck accredited. "We've never been anything but. However, I would have to disagree with the last statement. We're connected to each other with far more things than strings."

"You can't just come in and act like a possessive jerk when we're not even together, Chuck," Blair warned. "You have to have either one or the other."

"We're always together," he shot back. "Even when we're battling and trying to screw each other over or just screwing each other. It's who we are. Labels don't account for anything."

"Then what's the problem with having one?" Blair argued. "You act like this and I feel like I don't even know you."

"What am I supposed to do, Blair?" he asked. "You think this is easy for me?"

"No," Blair answered. "I think you come in and tell random guys that you want to marry me for kicks."

"Is that what you think that was?" Chuck asked and Blair was sure that she had imagined the astonishment in his voice.

"I don't know what that was," Blair shrugged coldly. "You act as though every male that even looks my way is a personal affront to your very being, but you don't want to be with me."

"If only it were that easy," he replied bitterly.

"What is _wrong_ with you?" Blair asked. "I don't understand you."

"What's wrong with me is that you're going on dates with any available jockstrap when we're the ones who are supposed to be married."

"Stop throwing that word around like it means nothing," Blair said. "It means something to me and you act so cavalier."

"You think it doesn't mean anything to me?" he asked. "You think that everything that has happened between us was nothing? I don't treat marriage lightly, Blair. I would do anything to keep you. That's what makes me so dangerous. They look at you and I don't know how to propose to you without losing you. I think about it and I lose control."

"That's why you've been acting like a freak?" Blair asked, almost not wanting to believe it. To believe that all this time they were thinking of the same thing. That she had given him that ring just so he could give it back to her one day. When the time was right. "We're not even publicly together."

"You can't break up with me if we're not dating," Chuck answered, his blasé tone back in place. He seemed to be refusing to look her in the eyes in that strange insecure way he got when he was only with her. So it came as a surprise when she flung her arms around his neck, kissing him like there wasn't a date waiting back for her at the table.

"I don't want you to be my girlfriend," he murmured into her hair. She stiffened and he knew she had taken it the wrong way before he finished. "I want you to be my wife."

That was really all it took. They were pressed against the door of the Ladies' Lounge in their passionate embrace, his hand searching behind her for the handle. They spilled into the room where a lonely attendant looked up in surprise at this new entertaining turn of events.

"Get out," he growled at the attendant before propping Blair up on the sink. The door shut behind the retreating attendant and Chuck locked it quickly. He pushed away all the necessary barriers and they were finally together. Like they should be.

Completely connected in every way.

.

Serena looked at her watch impatiently as awkward tension filled the space between her and the other occupants of the table.


End file.
